Warning: If you’re looking for a guide to taking care of plants or anything garden-related, this isn’t the article for you.
I’m a strong believer that we are meant to bond with other people. Part of our purpose is to meet and create relationships with one another – relationships that will last lifetimes. Throughout our lives, we go through a multitude of chapters and experiences that bring us closer and further apart from others. In fact, it’s pretty rare to stay best friends with the people you’ve known since childhood. Naturally, different things will occupy our minds and our schedules, and keeping up with friendships might slip from our minds.
“Fortunately, the metaphor, “Stop watering your dead plants” was not referring to the dead succulent currently sitting on my desk. The saying extends far beyond office walls and demands that we stop the insatiable act of pouring our time and energy into something that is simply not going to grow or provide benefit.”
–Sharon Chandra
How do i keep a friendship?
Unfortunately there is no fool-proof guide that’ll guarantee a life-long friendship, however there are multiple ways to put in effort and remind your friends that you’re still there and care for them. In my personal opinion, I believe the most important thing is to reach out to them. A little text here and there goes a long way; things like “Hey, how are you?”, “I’ve been thinking of you, miss you!”, and “Hi, let’s go grab some coffee and catch up!” mean more to people than you know. Especially if you realize it’s been a while since the two of you have talked.
An issue that may arise is if you notice that you are the only one reaching out. When it comes to relationships that may be fading or dwindling – for various reasons – it can be hard to realize that you are the only person putting in any effort. While you can start a conversation and ask for them to start initiating conversations/hangouts, you may realize that they don’t seem to care as much as you do. The sad thing about growing up is that sometimes you outgrow the people you once couldn’t live without.
A people-PLEASERs perspective
When I was younger, I had some friend issues that lead me to have somewhat of an unhealthy mindset when it comes to friends. Although I’d like to say I have many wonderful friendships, if I had to sit back and think about how many friends I’d have if I didn’t put in nearly as much effort, I think I wouldn’t have many left. That’s not to say that my relationships are completely one-sided, but there have been times where I had been carrying the friendship for a while. While I have no issues being the thoughtful, check-up-on-you, etc. friend, occasionally I’ll start to feel resentful towards the people I love because they don’t seem to care as much as I do.
People have various ways of expressing their love, so it’s easy to get disappointed when it feels like others aren’t meeting your needs. An important thing to remember is to – once again – communicate. For the important friends in your life, it’s vital to have those tough conversations with them, and if they’re meant to be in your life, they’ll listen and change their behavior. The problem arises when you don’t see a change.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of always trying to make everyone in your life happy and never bringing up issues, but where does that leave you? Why should we stay in one-sided friendships when it feels like we’re the only there for their issues and not ours too? Our problems are just as important as theirs. A friendship should feel like an addition to your life, it should make things lighter, happier, easier, etc.
A common trend I’ve seen online is people choosing to stop initiating contact to see which friends truly make an effort to stay in touch. While this idea has appeared in my mind, I think I’ve always been too scared to wait to see who reaches out and how long it might take them. It’s a scary thing to wonder how important you are to others. However, do not forget that there are great friends out there; some bonds are truly unbreakable, the only issue is where to find them.
If something is not meant to grow, then it will not grow, no matter how much water you pour into it. You can waste hours of your time, boatloads of money, and yet it will not change into the thing you want it to. It’s far better to use those same resources in a friendship that continues to return the same effort you give it. Every relationship is a two-way street; it’s important to not drive blind into devotion and waiting for them to follow.